The special self must feel loved to suppress its feelings of inadequacy. Thus, it manipulates others into believing it has something they need.

Duality Hack #5.3 from Alexius’ Duality Hacks

The past is a story made by the special self

The special self wants to compare everything new with something old so that the present seems shaped by the past, which the special self, in retrospect, has edited to look like it revolves around itself.

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The special always longs to return to the way it was. In contrast, the basic self does not remember the past. Actually, neither does the special self. The past is a story composed to make it look like the special self is better than others.

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In the past, the special self created a hateful story through which it perceives the present. Hence, everything seems to confirm the special self’s judgment of others as evil. So, since the past appears to repeat itself, the special self can rest assured that it is good and others are bad.

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The special self likes to meet new people. However, not to get to know them but to answer their questions. It is a perfect opportunity to re-edit the story it has fabricated about itself to look more exciting.

The special self must feel in control

Believing it is better, the special self is under enormous pressure to establish others as inept constantly.

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Being the special self is not about what you do but about perceiving yourself as in charge. For example, the special self feels it is the master of remote control, coffee machines, children, and pets.

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If the special self loses its self-control and expresses unfortunate traits believed to characterise others, it avoids feeling guilty by shouting, »Look what you made me do.«

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To appear in control, the special self always explains to itself what happens and why it does something about it.

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The special self assumes happiness comes from being in command. So, if something does not happen as planned, it upholds the idea of being in control by stating it changed its mind.

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If you want to uphold a unique appearance, you cannot escape the hell of self-control because you fear your image will fall apart.

The special self rests on suppression

Every bodily movement you consider voluntary is an automatic gesture governed by the brain. If you accept that, you feel dynamic. But you feel weak when you oppose the brain’s ways.

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The special self uses much energy to suppress the thoughts and feelings it judges as negative to appear positive. On the other hand, the basic self has no desire to appear in a specific way. Hence, it does not judge something as unfavourable. 

Besides, it knows negativity is just as crucial as positivity. For example, an electric wire needs the negative pole as much as the positive one.

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The special self is impressed by extraordinary experiences, such as glimpses of Enlightenment. Yet, it seldom experiences anything but the ordinary because it fences off everything unfamiliar to prevent its special image from cracking.

So if something uncontrollable, like glimpses of Enlightenment, enters its regulated world, the special self waits for it to be over, suppresses its memories, and resumes life as it was. See Duality Hack #11.2 about glimpses of Enlightenment.

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The more the special self can convince others that it can improve the world, the more powerful it feels, thus suppressing it feels inferior.

The special self does not know its feelings

The special self must constantly look for somebody to ratify its significance. However, as closeness may reveal its need for others is egoistic, it substitutes genuine feelings of togetherness with conceptualised ones. For example, it adjusts to the table manners at a traditional dinner party, thus appearing close without being it. Or it gets popcorn and a classic movie to rewatch with someone as if you are close.

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The special self enjoys discussing feelings speculatively, »like do I really love this person?« But it does not love anybody. The special self avoids feelings of intimacy by speaking about conceptual things like higher states of mind. Hence, no feelings destroy its perfect image.

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Should a genuine feeling surpass the special self’s world of conceptualised emotions, it is devastating because true feelings always come in pairs. And feeling the interaction of love and hate destroys its concept of love as pure.

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Since feelings tend to mess up the special self’s image, it wants to keep them at a distance. But as this collides with its need to look open, it blames others for blocking its feelings. For example, the special self claims it cannot express feelings because its spouse is closed.

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The real reason the special self does not express its feelings is that it does not know them. Nevertheless, the special self shows off as an emotional expert who can help others open up to their real selves. But what the special self claims to see in others are the feelings it has suppressed in itself. See Duality Hack #1.10. Conversely, the basic self has no particular image to protect and, thus, no feelings to hide.

The special self forces the body to do yoga exercises, heavy weight lifting, restricting diets, tantra sex, or other mental concepts of wellness that make the body look like a manifestation of perfection. The price is a body in pain. But since the primary concern of the special self is its appearance, it gladly pays the price.

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It takes time and effort to invent a spiritual self. You must eliminate selected elements from your appearance to appear free of power strivings, selfishness, greed, anger, negative thoughts, or what you assume is politically incorrect. However, you feel restricted by your correctness. In contrast, you feel free when not altering your perception of yourself to shape it as something special.

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If you have conditioned yourself to feel relaxed when you hear specific music, you find yourself in a story where you know what to feel when you hear that music. In other words, what you believe in feeling is a product of your story. As that applies to most feelings you believe in having, you are hardly ever in touch with your emotions but with your story about them. But that suits the special self very well. It does not want to experience genuine feelings but how it decides to interpret them.

The special self sees itself as independent, yet it depends on others

First, the special self divides its perception of the world according to its concepts of right and wrong. Next, it expects the world to hide or correct what it has labelled as bad so it does not have to question itself.

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The special self likes to be with others, but only if it can shape the relationship according to the special self’s perception of being together.

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The notion of yourself as special is based on how you interpret your effect on others. Thus, you constantly adjust your perception of their responses to establish that they see you as unique.

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The special self needs others to confirm its independence. Often, it establishes a family that it can manipulate into giving it the confirmation it needs. If that does not work as intended, the special self may pay a psychologist to ratify its uniqueness. In other words, the special self depends on those who support its perception of independence.

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For the special self, everything is about itself. So when a relative has been injured in a traffic accident, the typical response is, »How could you do it to me.«

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To establish itself as the boss, the special self offers to give others space.

The special self always looks for something to fix

Being on your own makes you feel small, which the special self expects to fix by getting the power it imagines comes from riches, going deeper or realising something higher.

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The special self loves to hear about otherworldly events like near-death or out-of-body experiences. It interprets them as spiritual transitions. But becoming something else requires more than one, and since oneness is formless, thus endless, there is no more than that which is One. Hence, becoming spiritual is an illusion.

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Claiming that something is your fault is a sure way to establish yourself in charge of your life because it implies you make things happen.

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Whether you have convinced yourself to indulge in or refrain from sex, the purpose is to enhance your uniqueness.

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To avoid feeling isolated, the special self checks all notifications on Facebook. Then, it makes sure to like what its friends write so that it will like and be liked by them. But, of course, it only works if you believe something exists in cyberspace.

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It is much cheaper to be the basic self. It does not have to buy something extraordinary to feel special.

Separation is the foundation of the special self

The special self always feels incomplete because it is an imagination constructed by subtracting or adding something to feel complete.

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The special self hates being told what to do. If that seems avoidable, it makes a story in which it is detached from what happens. Then, it looks like it does not take orders but goes with the flow.

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When one of the special self’s perceptions is exposed as fake, the special self diverts the focus from itself by making up a new perception in which it is unjustly attacked.

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The English language suits the special self because it is built upon the ‘I’ as primary and others as secondary. Therefore, you do not talk with others but to them. And when you speak about friends and yourself, you always start by mentioning yourself.

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By stating »we are all one,« the special self thinks it expresses non-duality. However, since separation is the foundation of this statement, it denies non-duality.

The special self sees the brain as a tyrant, but the oppressor is itself

When a game instructs us where to go, we must do it if we want to continue playing – likewise, in the brain’s game of duality. Hence, the basic self goes where it is supposed to go. On the other hand, the special self insists on a better way but is unable to change anything. To hide that it is not in control, the special self claims the brain, not itself, is a tyrant.

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If somebody exposes the self-centred purpose of the special self, it will either deny it or say it is sorry and then go on as before.

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When the special self perceives to fail, it takes on being secondary. Thus, the failure has not been caused by itself but by somebody else.

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Alexius’ Duality Hacks do not work if you want to use them for something, but they do work if you are willing to let them use you for nothing.