– updated September 2026

Because we are not what we pretend to be, pretending to be a separate being – rather than believing it – means we’re not actually separate, despite appearances. Make pretending reveal our perceived separation as merely a role, not reality.

From Duality Hack #2.2 in Alexius’ Duality Hacks.

If you believe you’re substantial rather than the formlessness of Oneness, undo this error by pretending to be material, because what you pretend to be, you are not. Recognise that this act of pretending is already unconsciously at work.

Samples of unconsciously pretending to be specific

• WHEN YOU MAKE A PASS ON SOMEONE, you pretend to be what you think they want you to be, such as more adventurous or confident than usual.
• PLANNING TO MOVE, you imagine what you’d be like in a new place, such as more important.
• CARING FOR CHILDREN, you pretend to be more capable than you feel. You reassure them when they’re worried, and you pretend to be stern and ready to teach them a lesson when they misbehave.
• WHEN YOU FEEL SAD, you put on a brave face and pretend everything is fine.
• TRYING TO FIT IN, you play the roles you believe your environment expects. 
• AT WORK, you pretend to fit into the social and professional environment and to adapt to your boss’s expectations. But outside of work, you pretend to be carefree. At a party, you might pretend to be the life of the party, adapting once again to the social environment.
• YOU FEEL LOST, but pretend you’re in control.

Samples of consciously pretending

• HAVING SEX WITH YOUR SPOUSE, you pretend to be fully engaged with your partner, while fantasising about someone else.
• WHEN YOU BECOME A PARENT, you plan for the future and imagine the role you envision in your family.
• CARING FOR CHILDREN, you pretend to have all the answers. When uncertain, you invent stories to entertain and comfort them.

Being someone specific is fun when you know it’s a play

While you may be aware of instances when you pretend to be something that you are not, such as those mentioned above, you may be unaware that everything is a pretence.

The enthusiastic people we see in commercial marketing, the energetic musicians on stage, and social media influencers are all playing a well-prepared role. Similarly, when we browse dating sites, attend meetings, or jam on an air guitar, we, too, are playing a role. Recognising this makes pretending fun and joyful.

There’s no authenticity in a world constrained by time and space

Many people think they should stop acting and discover their true selves to express themselves authentically. However, that which is you is the same as that which is One. And since it’s formless, there’s nothing to express. Furthermore, formlessness is boundless, so oneness is endless. Therefore, you cannot become someone definitive unless you take on a role in a time- and space-bound fantasy. So although being someone definitive is impossible, pretending it is possible.

However,  just as appearances in a video game remain the same regardless of belief or pretence, so do appearances in a world confined by time and space. Yet, when we do not believe but only pretend to appear as someone in such a world, appearing as what and where we are not is entertaining.

Pretending to be someone frees you from the trouble of being perfect

Films draw on familiar concepts that strike a chord with our personal memories. Thus, when we watch a film, it’s not the film itself that makes us feel something, but our memories. We then project these memories onto the film, making it seem as if the film affirms them. This is not limited to films, though. We’re never moved by external stimuli, but by our memories and the stories that we associate with them.

For instance, when you meet someone you consider perfect, it’s based on past fantasies compiled into a person who looks and behaves perfectly. So you’re not emotionally involved with the person who exemplifies your ‘perfection’, but with your concept of an ideal person.

To disguise this, you invite your vision of a perfect person to a dinner set with red wine and candlelight, as you’ve seen in the movies. This set-up suggests you have romantic feelings for the ‘perfect’ one, masking your lack of emotion towards the person in front of you with social illusions and expectations.

If you manage to impress the ‘perfect’ one and the relationship progresses, you set rules for interaction that dictate who does the dishes and whatnot. These rules aren’t meant to support a sincere emotional connection, but to mask your lack of emotional involvement behind the illusion of a perfect relationship.  

Should you be accused of being superficial in the relationship, you may try to prove your deep commitment by pointing to the rules you strictly follow. Yet, these rules heighten the sense of separation, which is why you feel insecure and seek perfection. So, you may wonder how to access your genuine feelings. But you don’t have any. Genuine feelings are, like everything in the world, confined by time and space, a pretence.

When you accept this, you can enjoy pretending to be hunting the perfect one. Because you are not what you pretend to be, you don’t reinforce but phase out the belief in separation. In this way, you feel free and close to your ‘perfect’ one.

Read about genuine feelings versus conceptualised ones in Duality Hack #5.2 and #8.1.