Alexius’ childhood

Updated May 8, 2023

During childhood, we learn to suppress the emotions that makes our parents unconfortable. Read more about that here. But everything comes in pairs in a world of duality, so you feel disconnected if you suppress hate, for example, to appear lovable. On the other hand, you feel connected if not perceiving love and hate as distinctive feelings opposing each other, but feelings in a pair collaborating to define each other. Photo © Alexius Jørgensen.

This article is a continuation of ‘What if…?’ versus ‘it is what it is’ about the perception ‘it is what it is,’  which reveals every experience is dual. Settling with twofoldness, you feel so complete in a world of duality that you eventually forget to remember it, thus not hiding it is an illusion.

Our present perception of ourselves and others is often based on one we made in the past. Alexius interpreted many experiences in his childhood as scary. And he blamed something outside him for having caused the experiences he interpreted as horrific, thus disassociating himself from feeling horrible. Therefore he could hide behind an image of being on top of it. Especially because he also separated himself from his affectionate feelings by projecting them onto something he decided to see as wonderful. In other words, he divided the world into something he saw as horrible or wonderful to suppress his feelings.

That seemed to work until Alexius got older and sometimes felt so bothered by something deemed horrible that his suppressed fear flared out in verbal attacks on others. Although there was no physical violence, his outbursts seemed as wild as when his father lost his temper and hit him across the dinner table. Therefore, since Alexius felt ashamed for being as hostile as his father, he hid his hostility from his awareness by projecting it onto his stomach. Actually, he started hiding his hostility like that as a child to avoid saying something that would make his father burst out in a rage so violent that it could have been the end of Alexius.

Instead, Alexius tried to hurt his father through silence, which seemed efficient. On top of that, Alexius looked sad and sick to make his father feel guilty for being so violent (read more about making others feel guilty here). However, that did not work on his father – only on Alexius because he unconsciously knew they were the same. After all, both used each other as a scapegoat for their inner demons. But if his father was aware of that, Alexius does not know.

In 1972 Alexius returned from the Enlightenment of that which is One as nobody. Hence he could only remain in a world where there seems to be more than one by pretending to be somebody. Actually, that also applies to the years before that because we are nothing pretending to be something. But since he was not aware of it before he bid welcome the Enlightenment of that which is One, this article is based on his memories of believing to be somebody instead of pretending it. However, as a child, he already began to grasp that everything is pretence. Read more about pretending in Duality Hack #2 Pretending to be twofold undoes duality. Be aware that the story of Alexius’ childhood is a compressed version, where his progress may seem quick, but it was not. Nevertheless, it was effortless after having bid welcome the Enlightenment of that which is One. The photo of Alexius is restored digitally. Photo © Alexius Jørgensen.

Nor does he know if his description of his childhood is correct because it is done in retrospect.* Besides, he is neither a physician nor a psychologist. But it seems he disguised his reactions of fear, aggression and shame to events in his childhood behind the physical problems arising from his congenital disability in the vertebrae.

One of these physical problems was that the malfunctioning vertebra disturbed a nerve in the stomach, making it bloated. That made it easy for Alexius to imagine using it to hide the shame he felt when he, petite and adorable, was exploited by his mother to get her the bodily affection her husband could not provide. And due to Alexius’ bloated stomach, the diaphragm hardened. And since it is the primary mover of the breath, his chest turned to stone. So there he imagined hiding his naivety and natural generosity, so his empathy would not cause him to be preyed on in the future.

Alexius grew up in a war zone in the sense that he never knew when and where his father would hit him again. Since his mother did nothing to help Alexius, he felt terrified and alone. To disassociate himself from how bad this made him feel, Alexius decided to see his father as cruel and himself as kind. But by disassociating viciousness from himself, he also separated himself from his gentleness because viciousness defines it. Thus he always looked for something gentle outside him. However, what he saw he mostly judged as vicious. Finally, Alexius realised that the reason for this was his suppressed darkness. Fortunately, not hiding it revealed lightness because light and darkness are like two sides of the same coin in a world of duality. This polarity, and those that naturally followed, made him feel complete. So there was no fear of evil and thus no need to hide feeling it by perceiving the world as vicious. Consequently, the apparent difference between himself and the world stopped making a difference. Perhaps that is why Alexius is both a non-teacher and a non-student of Alexius’ Enlightened Non-Teachings Photo © Alexius Jørgensen.

Fortunately, he got in touch with his compassion again later in life. But that is another story, so we go on with Alexius and his father, who he perceived as the devil responsible for the evil he experienced in himself. Since Alexius did not want to realise it was his anger he saw in his father, he hid his inner demon in the neck, weakened by the malfunctioning vertebra. But he also did it because he assumed that only as an angel would he get his parent’s love. However, since his parents only loved the divine image he made by suppressing everything devilish, he felt lonely and complained about not being seen.

When the devil behind his false front of sweetness popped up, he interpreted the psychological disturbance as a physical issue in the neck where he initially imagined hiding his devilish. Therefore, the physical problem became an unsolvable mystery diagnosed as a psychosomatic disorder, hiding the helpless little boy, full of sorrow, rage and fear from Alexius’ awareness.

In Duality Hack #7 Physical & non-physical issues do not mix, you can read more about using the body to hide your feelings from your awareness.

When you do not try to hide sexual lust, grievances, envy, anger, negativity or whatever you consider politically incorrect, your thoughts and feelings about something are seen in pairs. Negative thoughts, for example, are coupled with positive ones. You already know this because when one part of you senses something as good, immediately another part sees it as bad. If you do not try to decide between good and bad but join their interplay, you feel as entertained by this polarity as any other. The more you experience everything in pairs, the less dangerous it is to be angry. Actually, you feel relieved being angry because it contains calmness. Photo © Alexius Jørgensen.

But after he became someone compared to the Enlightenment of that which is One when he was about 20 years old (see Duality Hack #10 The Enlightenment of that which is One), his two distinctive perceptions of the world as horrible or wonderful were revealed as not separated but together as a pair. So in his unpleasantness, there was pleasantness and vice versa. He did not hold onto the specific feelings in this polarity but enjoyed their interplay.

Therefore, since he did not feel fragmented but completed, there were no specific feelings to project onto the body. And those he once had projected onto it were revealed in the psychological sphere where a feeling is not experienced as something tangible but an intangible element in constant interaction with its opposite, for example, helpless and powerful, sorrow and delight, rage and calm, fear and confidence. Fifty years later, Alexius named the constant interaction of opposites the duality flow.

The higher you aim, the lower you must prepare to go because everything comes in pairs of opposing elements in a world of duality.

Since the duality flow reduced his psychosomatic disorders to physical issues, they could be fixed physically. However, congenital disabilities cannot be completely sorted. So he still has fallen arches, for example. Yet, everything has been solved to the extent that the experience of being someone inside a body has become more comfortable. Read more about that in Sadness is a close friend of gladness.

Nevertheless, out of habit, an old single-minded point of view is often Alexius’ first choice when confronted with something new. But fortunately, he soon remembers that everything comes in pairs of opposing elements to define each other in a world of duality. So then, as from an invisible crack in his conditioned feeling of disgust, a sense of liking unfolds.

Going with the interplay of this polarity, it soon fades out to be replaced by others, for example, humility and boldness, serenity and lust, calmness and confusion, union and separation, etc. But the duality flow is so gratifying that you do not sense when the interplay of one polarity is over, and another sets off. The beginning and end are another interaction of opposites that makes him feel adequate.

Not trying to control the future, thoughts become unimportant. Hence they turn into insignificant noise in the background. Read more about that here.

When Alexius takes a break in the primordial forest of La Gomera, he does not label his dualistic reaction to this. Being someone somewhere is enough to feel the togetherness of twofoldness, thus going with the duality flow and having glimpses of the Enlightenment of that which is One. Photo © Alexius Jørgensen.

The above may suggest you remember the opposing elements in the duality pairs you encounter. But the duality flow is about the interaction of opposites in a duality pair, not its specific elements – like one does not need to label the sides of a coin to sense its twofoldness. That is why thoughts are reduced to insignificant jabber in the background.

In a world of duality, a holistic experience is not singular but dualistic. That is why wholeness comes from twofoldness. But in non-duality there is no wholeness to experience because it takes more than one to be aware of something.

To sum up, even though the experience of duality is imaginary (read more about that here), within its apparent reality, you feel incomplete when separating the duality pairs into distinct elements. But going with their interaction makes you feel complete – like you feel fulfilled by the interplay of breathing in and out.

You do not have to be someone compared to the Enlightenment of that which is One to feel completed by twofoldness. You only need to perceive your specific opinion of something as ‘it is what it is.’ Since that reveals it is twofold – for example, happy/sad or angry/calm – you get the satisfaction of duality. We explore that in the following article, You must play the game of duality to hack it. This article ends with a note about doing that when compared to the Enlightenment of that which is One.

Sometimes Alexius forgets what and where he is, thus bidding welcome the Enlightenment of that which is One. However, when he returns to the awareness of being someone in a world where there seems to be more than one, his appearance is not Enlightened. Still, Alexius is to be compared to the Enlightenment of that which is OnePhoto © Alexius Jørgensen.

Bidding welcome the Enlightenment of that which is One is a bit like getting to the point of orgasm. Nothing else matters. But whereas the desire for something drives an orgasm, the absence of something fuels the Enlightenment of that which is One.

That does not mean you must become purer by avoiding sex or something else, nor must you be harmonious, physically fit or breathe in a special way. All that is needed is to forget what and where you are because the Enlightenment of that which is One does not recognise something definable.

For the same reason, the Enlightenment of that which is One does not change anything in your appearance in a world where there seems to be more than one. However, Alexius keeps getting glimpses of the Enlightenment of that which is One, so he is constantly reminded that a world where there seems to be more than one is make-believe.

Thus he feels like in a roleplay, where one acts out a role in a story governed by the gamemaster, which, in the case of a world where there seems to be more than one, is not somebody else but one’s brain. Being aligned with the gamemaster, the perception ‘it is what it is’ comes naturally. Therefore, since the interpretation of past events loses their specific meaning, the past does not make one feel stuck in a mental combo of physical and non-physical issues.

See Duality Hack #6 Happiness is to be in touch with the brain about the brain as the gamemaster. And read Duality Hack #7 Physical & non-physical issues do not mix about the unfortunate belief in a connection between the body and mental issues. Check Duality Hack #11 Going without distance to non-duality for glimpses of Enlightenment. They are something you see, hear, feel or taste, whereas there is nobody to experience the Enlightenment of that which is One since that requires more than One. See Duality Hack #10 The Enlightenment of that which is One. That is why there is no sense of magic or anything else in the Enlightenment of that which is One – only in the glimpses of it.

To be continued in You must play the game of duality to have it undone.

*) Alexius has never talked with his parents about this. As a teenager, he left home for good. First, he moved into a hippie commune and then into an old wooden house next to a gipsy camp until he became a monk for four years. He has no education, by the way. See Alexius, The Man, for a short biography of Alexius.

NOTE: This article is part of Duality Hack #8 The duality flow goes to non-duality.