Being special and depressed, or basic and happy, or nobody and blissful

Updated September 17, 2022

The special self wants to make selected ones feel unique, so they depend on it to be appreciated.

The special self is always looking for errors in its personality to correct them, thus appearing in control. But the basic self does not consider itself in charge of anything. Instead, it sees itself as a servant of everything because it adjusts to the flow of thoughts coming from the brain, which does not know about personal preferences but what is in the best interest of the whole.

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Thinking you are in control, you are under enormous pressure. You must always look for thoughts that can be used to compose a perception of your experiences to prove that you, not the brain, are in control.

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You hit the buttons on the remote control to get specific channels on the TV. It is not difficult, so it does not establish you as essential. But if you imagine you are the master of buttons, you appear more important, although what is in the movie you may get is beyond your influence.

As you can see, being the special self is not about what you do but the thoughts concerning it. Especially thoughts in the category of master and servant – like when you think you master the remote control, your coffee machine, children or pets. Or if you have a boss that puts you down, but you still seem to be on top of it by thinking, you could do it much better.

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The special self always finds something about others that it judges as wrong. Hence they become the imperfect background for its perfection.

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When the special self perceives to fail, it takes on being secondary. Thus the failure does not seem to have been caused by itself but by somebody else.

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When a ball is coming your way, it´s a natural reflex to respond and following such reflexes is pure fun.

When a ball comes your way, it is an automatic reflex to respond to it. Automatically following such reflexes is natural and invokes how easy it is to be the basic self. Photo © Alexius Jorgensen.

Sometimes a doctor may check the function of a body by knocking on special points to see if the involuntary movements work. But everything you think that you do voluntarily is automatic. If you believe in being in control, you have worked hard to perceive the body’s activity as generated by you.

To fabricate this perception, you suppress your reaction to the reflexes that do not fit into your idea of calling the shots. Thus you become a person who seems to do everything by your own choice. And others appear to be doing things against or for you by their choice. However, keeping up this impression is hard because you always have to hide that the brain administers everything you do.

Therefore, not hiding that but gladly serving the brain, you are following your nature, thus feeling free.

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The basic self’s perception is in sync with the stream of thoughts coming from the brain. Therefore, since feeling the flow of happiness, it does not need to be or achieve something special to feel good. But the special self is out of sync with the flow, so it does not feel its happy vibe. Instead, it tries to create it by looking for special moments in the past to replicate in the present to feel special.

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If the special self discovers that others have interpreted something it did as wrong, it avoids feeling guilty by shouting, »Look what you made me do.«

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The experiences the brain produces to make you feel like someone can, in many ways, be compared to the news that Facebook generates for you. Based on the info Facebook has gathered about you, it collects what its artificial intelligence predicts you wish to see, regardless it is fake or not. However, unlike Facebook, the brain has all your info, so the experiences you get from it are based on you. Thus what you experience is what you are. That cannot be altered – only your perception of it.

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A world defined by time and space is a construction of thoughts compiled by the brain. But since it cannot manifest its fabrication, it has made a self that feels the experiences it produces, so it seems to confirm a world defined by time and space is real, which in return seems to prove the self is a substantial being in a tangible world. In other words, what and where you believe in being is a brain fantasy. Consequently, there is nothing real to confirm the brain’s existence, wherefore nothing is making the fantasy of you as someone in a world defined by time and space – just like nobody is making a dream and nobody is in it.

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The special self needs to convince at least one person about how crucial it is, which it achieves by smothering someone with the kind of attention it senses, that is required to make that person feel chosen. Photo © Alexius Jorgensen.

Again and again, the special self likes to show off as if it has invaluable insights from extraordinary experiences that can help others get better. However, it is as impossible as helping someone in a dream. Therefore, the special self pieces together an interpretation of its interaction with others that, in retrospect, establishes itself as someone who has helped them get better.

Though it may not succeed in manipulating others into believing this, it often succeeds in convincing at least one person by making that person feel so wanted and loved that it thinks it cannot live without the one making it feel that.

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The special self needs to be part of something important, not to feel alone. Thus it checks all notifications on Facebook and makes sure to like what its friends write so that it will like it and be liked by them, and they all are confirmed to be together in a group of extraordinary people. That is, if you believe there is something in cyberspace.

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If somebody triggers an old feeling of rejection in the special self, it first interprets it as an attack. Next, it justifies feeling rejected by the attack. Therefore, since the feeling seems to originate in the attacker, the special self concludes the feeling does not come from itself. If the perceived attacker exposes this self-deception, the special self points out something from the past to make the attacker feel guilty. Thus the special self is off the hook and can rest assured that it is loved, and the attacker is not.

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To prevent the image of the special self from cracking, it is crucial not to feel one’s emotions. Therefore, since the special self suppresses them, it becomes so numb that it cannot feel anything. So instead, it invents stories about feelings that fit its self-perception. Photo © Alexius Jorgensen.

It is the counterpart of a feeling that defines it. For example, hate defines love. Consequently, you must sense your hatred to feel love. But since the special self excludes the unpleasant part of a duality pair, it has no hatred to define feeling love. Therefore, since it does not know what love is, it reckons it feels love when it meets somebody whose psyche or body complies with its ideas of perfection.

Fortunately, this mistake is easily corrected by perceiving the perceived feeling of love as ‘it is what it is.’ That reveals love is coupled with hate and constantly interacting to define each other. Going with this twofoldness, you have a genuine feeling of love regardless of expectations being met.

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Nobody is unjustly treated in the brain’s script. It is all about being entertained by duality, which you are when perceiving your reaction to your experiences as it is what it is’ because that reveals your response is twofold. And since you are in a world of duality, this makes you feel complete

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Should you have conditioned yourself to feel relaxed when you hear a specific kind of music, you find yourself in a story where you know you are supposed to feel relaxed every time you hear this music. In other words, what you believe in feeling is a product of your story. And as most of what you believe in feeling rests on stories, you are hardly ever in touch with your emotions but with how you have conditioned yourself to respond to something. That suits the special self very well. It does not want to experience genuine feelings but how it is supposed to feel them when being what it imagines it is.

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The special self likes to meet new people. However, not to get to know them but to answer their questions. That is a perfect opportunity to re-edit the story it has fabricated about itself to become more exciting. Photo © Alexius Jorgensen.

If you, in your part of the world, are supposed to feel disrespected when someone is more than 15 minutes late for a meeting, you can, in a rational way, prove to others that you are in the right when you claim to feel hurt. But since rationally explaining a feeling changes it into a mental concept, you do not feel hurt. Instead, you feel victorious because you convinced others you were right about being hurt.

However, the feeling of victory only lasts as long as others are willing to listen to your story of being unfairly treated. No worries. If you perceive the meaning you have assigned to your story as ‘it is what it is,’ nothing in it adds up to something specific. Hence the story cannot be used to justify being unfairly treated, thus not suppressing what you actually feel, which in the world of duality always is twofold. Therefore in sync with duality, you feel so fulfilled that you do not need the satisfaction of being in the right. Read more about made-up feelings here.

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The stories you make to hide what you feel sooner or later clash with the actual experiences of the world where you seem to be. Thus you feel very confused.

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In the past, the special self made a hateful story it uses for perceiving the present, so it seems to confirm its past judgment of others as evil. And since the past, therefore, appears to repeat itself, the special self can rest assured in its perception of itself as good and others as bad.

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The special self likes to hide that it is lonely by having others depend upon it. Photo © Alexius Jorgensen.

The English language suits the special self because it is built upon the ‘I’ as primary and others as secondary. You do not talk with others but to them. And when you speak about friends and yourself, you always start by mentioning yourself.

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It takes so much time and effort to invent a special self from which selected experiences are eliminated or changed, so you appear to be absent of power strivings, selfishness, greed, anger, negative thoughts or whatever you assume to be politically incorrect. It feels restricting, whereas you feel free when not altering or rejecting something in your perception to shape your image into something special.

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Since everything in a world of duality comes in pairs and the special self excludes the apparently dark side of those in its perception of itself to appear as someone definitive, the power of duality is not expressed but suppressed. And even though the special self never feels it has enough energy, it does not correct its perception. It fears it will be devoured by the darkness it has excluded if it includes it.

It is right about being terminated. But only as someone definitive and not in the way it expects. The uncontrolled energy of suppressed feelings ignites a take-off into the empty breath.* In this state of not-knowing,* there is no awareness of being somebody. Hence all that is left is the bliss of nothing from which the self returns to a world of duality with the slate wiped clean. Therefore, since darkness and lightness are perceived as two sides of the same coin that interacts to define each other, it gets the power of the duality flow. See hack #4.4 The duality flow goes to non-duality.

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A state of not-knowing* does not reveal non-duality, but that a world of duality is nothing. The result of this revelation is not that you choose to return to non-duality because that requires more than one. Instead, you return to the consciousness of being someone in a world of duality as a basic self.

Being basic, you sooner or later feel so relaxed that you forget to choose, and since not-choosing does not require more than one, the enlightenment of that which is One is bid welcome. See hack #6.1 The Enlightenment of that which is One.


*) Read about the empty breath and a state of not-knowing in the following articles or the below hacks


NOTE: This article is part of hack #4.1 The basic self versus the special one.