Being special and depressed, or basic and happy

Updated December 24, 2022

The special self wants to make selected ones feel unique, so they depend on it to be appreciated.

The special self is always looking for errors in its personality to correct, thus appearing in control. But the basic self does not consider itself in charge of anything. Instead, it sees itself as a servant of everything because it adjusts to the flow of thoughts coming from the brain, which is not about personal preferences but what is in the best interest of the whole.

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Assuming you are in control, you are under enormous pressure, always looking for thoughts to compose stories where you, not the brain, are in charge.

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Being the special self is not about what you do but the thoughts concerning it. Especially thoughts in the category of master and servant – like when you think you are the master of the remote control, your coffee machine, children or pets. Or if you have a boss that puts you down, you still seem to be on top by thinking that you could do it much better.

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The special self always finds something about others that it judges wrong. Hence they become the imperfect background for its perfection.

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When the special self perceives to fail, it takes on being secondary. Thus the failure does not seem to have been caused by itself but by somebody else.

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The basic self’s perception is synced with the stream of thoughts coming from the brain. Therefore, since it feels connected, it does not need to be or achieve something special to feel good. But the special self is out of sync with the flow. Therefore, since it feels disconnected, it looks for special moments in the past to replicate in the present to feel special.

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You cannot avoid events you see as sad, but you can refrain from perceiving them like that. That naturally occurs for the basic self. Thus it has no need for special events to make it happy.

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When a ball is coming your way, it´s a natural reflex to respond and following such reflexes is pure fun.

When a ball comes towards you, it is an automatic reflex to respond to it. Automatically following such reflexes is natural and invokes how easy it is to be the basic self. Photo © Alexius Jorgensen.

Sometimes a doctor checks the function of a body by knocking on special points to see if the involuntary movements work. However, everything considered voluntary is also an automatic movement governed by the brain. Therefore, if you believe in being in charge of yourself, you have suppressed your reaction to everything that does not fit this belief. Therefore, since that requires much effort and it is effortless serving the brain, being a servant makes you feel free and happy.

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If the special self discovers that others have interpreted something it did as wrong, it avoids feeling guilty by shouting, »Look what you made me do.«

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The experiences the brain produces to make you feel like someone can, in many ways, be compared to the news that Facebook generates for you. Based on the info Facebook has gathered about you, it collects what its artificial intelligence predicts you wish to see, regardless it is fake or not. However, unlike Facebook, the brain has all your info, so the experiences you get from it are based on you. Thus what you experience is what you are. That cannot be altered – only your perception of it.

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A world defined by time and space is a construction of thoughts compiled by the brain. But since it cannot manifest its fabrication, it has made a self that feels the experiences it produces, so it seems to confirm a world defined by time and space is real, which in return seems to prove the self is a substantial being in a tangible world. In other words, what and where you believe in being is the brain’s fantasy. But since there is nothing real to confirm the brain’s existence, nothing is making the fantasy of you as someone in a world defined by time and space – just like nobody is making a dream and nobody is in it.

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The special self manipulates others into admiring it to escape its self-hatred. When not succeeding, the special self considers letting go of something to reestablishes it as the one in control.

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The special self needs to convince at least one person about how crucial it is, which it achieves by smothering someone with the kind of attention it senses, that is required to make that person feel chosen. Photo © Alexius Jorgensen.

The special self needs to be part of something important, not to feel alone. So it checks all notifications on Facebook and makes sure to like what its friends write so that it will like it and be liked by them, and they are confirmed to be together in a group of extraordinary people. Of course, it only works if you believe there is something in cyberspace.

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You cannot escape the hell of the self-discipline required to uphold the perception of being special if you are afraid of losing something, which you are, as long as you believe to be and have something special.

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If you justify your unpleasant emotions with something judged as flawed in the world, your bothersome feelings are buried in a mental drama of fairness. For example, when you feel angry, it is obscured by the sad story you keep telling to establish you are unfairly treated by the world. Hence feeling angry has been removed from your awareness and replaced by a mental concept of being mistreated. This spin also hides that you fear the world will get back at you for blaming it for your negative emotions.

But this is too shameful to admit. So to save face when you feel attacked by the world, you repeat the story of being unfairly treated to prove you are innocent. However, to uphold your innocence, you must continuously suppress feeling selfish, greed, anger and envy. You do this by pointing out those attributes in others so they feel ashamed. You are very good at that, and your friends know it. Nevertheless, they do not expose you because they also look for someone to attack, so they feel off the hook. That is why they recognise it in you.

To hide that you and like-minded ones hate everybody, you meet in special groups where you hug and share in a collectively agreed way of being together. Yet, it is not feelings of love that connect them, but the wish to hide they hate each other. Naturally, nobody wants to acknowledge this, least of all do they want to talk about it in the group because if you do not censor yourself to speak and act within the language established as love by the group, or its mentor, you are expelled. And then you have nowhere to go to find relief from your despair.

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To prevent the image of the special self from cracking, it is crucial not to feel one’s emotions. Therefore, since the special self suppresses them, it becomes so numb that it cannot feel anything. So instead, it invents stories about feelings that fit its self-perception. Photo © Alexius Jorgensen.

Should you have conditioned yourself to feel relaxed when you hear a specific kind of music, you find yourself in a story where you know you are supposed to feel relaxed every time you hear this music. In other words, what you believe in feeling is a product of your story. And as most of what you believe in feeling rests on stories, you are hardly ever in touch with your emotions but with how you have conditioned yourself to respond to something. That suits the special self very well. It does not want to experience genuine feelings but how it is supposed to feel them when being what it imagines.

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The special self likes to meet new people. However, not to get to know them but to answer their questions. That is a perfect opportunity to re-edit the story it has fabricated about itself to appear exciting.

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In the past, the special self made a hateful story for perceiving the present, so it seems to confirm its past judgment of others as evil. And since the past, therefore, appears to repeat itself, the special self can rest assured in its perception of itself as good and others as bad.

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The English language suits the special self because it is built upon the ‘I’ as primary and others as secondary. So you do not talk with others but to them. And when you speak about friends and yourself, you always start by mentioning yourself.

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It takes time and effort to invent a spiritual self from which selected experiences are eliminated or changed to appear absent of power strivings, selfishness, greed, anger, negative thoughts or whatever you assume to be politically incorrect. It feels restricting, whereas you feel free when not altering or rejecting something in your perception to shape your image into something specific.

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Nobody is unjustly treated in the brain’s script. It is all about being entertained by duality, which you are when perceiving your reaction to your experiences as it is what it isbecause that reveals your response is twofold. And since you are in a world of duality, that makes you feel complete

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The special self likes to hide that it is lonely by having others depend upon it. Photo © Alexius Jorgensen.

What and where you appear to be in a computer game is designed by the game’s creator. You do not have the power to change that. But you can perceive it in sync with the plot or not. The latter is frustrating, and the former entertaining. The same applies to the tangible world, where you appear to be someone substantial. What and where you seem to be is made up of the brain. It cannot be changed – only your interpretation of it.

If that is in sync with the brain’s script, you feel entertained by the idea of being someone substantial in a tangible world, which is like going up and down on a rollercoaster. You scream of fear when going down and shout of joy when going up. One leads to the other. It is like two sides of a coin because everything comes in pairs in the brain’s script of duality.

However, the special self does not accept the interaction of opposites. On the contrary, its fundamental instinct is to keep them separated to divide the world into good and bad. In contrast, the basic self does not separate opposites, so it feels vitalised by their interaction, whereas the special self feels weakened by their separation.

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The collaboration of the opposing sides in the duality pairs making up the world of duality is vitalising. But since the special self excludes the apparently dark side of the duality pairs in its perception of itself, duality does not seem stimulating but depressing. However, the special self fears that if it includes the darkness it has excluded, it will be devoured by it. Thus it prefers to keep spitting the duality pairs in distinct elements to keep the darkness away by looking positive.  

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Since feelings tend to mess up the perception that the special self has made of itself as an independent and unique being, it wants to keep them at a distance. But as this collides with its need to show off as an open person, it lays the blame for fencing off its feelings on others, which it criticises for being closed, thus making it impossible for the special self to express its feelings.

Although the real reason for not expressing its feelings is that the special self does not know them, it shows off as an expert on emotions who is able to help others open up to themselves. However, what the special self claims to see are its own suppressed feelings (read more about that here).

On the other hand, the basic self has no special image to protect, thus, no feelings to hide.

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Undoing the belief in being someone special is like stepping into the unknown. And since life cannot be known, you find it there. Photo © Alexius Jorgensen.

The special self needs constant approval from others to feel alive. To get that, it often establishes a family, which it can manipulate into giving it the confirmation it needs. If that does not work as intended, the special self may pay a psychologist to ratify its uniqueness. But it does not realise how dependent it is on those supporting its perception of being independent.

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The special self enjoys talking about feelings speculatively, »like do I really love this person?« But it does not love anybody because to uphold its perception of being in control, it avoids feelings of intimacy by being with people looking for a higher state of mind.

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Every experience is make-believe – just like in a role-play. However, following the instructions of the game master is part of the fun. Likewise, believing to be someone in a world defined by time and space is quite entertaining when you do not try to add or subtract something from the instructions you get from the brain.

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You can compare the basic self to a cat. It does not plan to do Pilates at a specific hour but, naturally, stretches out when its biological system tells it to do it. Nor does it attend special seminars to learn who it is or how to be transformed into something else. There is no desire to be anything but a cat.

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If somebody triggers an old feeling of rejection in the special self, it first interprets it as an attack. Next, it justifies feeling rejected by the attack. Therefore, since feeling rejected seems to originate in the attacker, the special self concludes it does not come from itself. If the perceived attacker exposes this self-deception, the special self points out something from the past to make the attacker feel rejected. Hence the special self is off the hook and can rest assured that it is loved and the attacker is not.

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Fear does not prevent you from going on when in sync with the unedited flow of thoughts. Photo © Alexius Jorgensen.

The happiness that comes from being in sync with the brain can be compared to the joy you feel when singing along with a song you like. Not being in sync can be compared to feeling disturbed by the same music because you want to concentrate on something you perceive as better.

That said, it may seem frightening to be in sync with the brain’s script, but since you do not feel alone, fear does not prevent you from going on.

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You do not appear in a physical world to learn something. Everything you encounter is made from empty space. The only purpose of your experiences, including those interpreted as spiritual, is to feel entertained by nothing disguised as something. Read more about that here.

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It is the counterpart of a feeling that defines it. For example, hate defines love. Consequently, you must sense your hatred to feel love. But since the special self excludes the unpleasant part of a duality pair, it has no hatred to define feeling in love. Therefore, since it does not know what love is, it reckons it feels love when it meets somebody whose psyche or body complies with its ideas of perfection.

Fortunately, this mistake is easily corrected by perceiving the assumed feeling of love as ‘it is what it is.’ That reveals love is coupled with hate and constantly interacting to define each other. Going with this twofoldness, you have a genuine feeling of love regardless of expectations being met.

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The brain can be compared to Spotify in the sense that it has many playlists to choose from. But no matter which playlist you decide to stream, it will not bring happiness unless you are in sync with it.

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Feeling stressed by the brain’s stream of thoughts and trying to get peace through meditation does not work. But acknowledging the stress so it can be perceived as ‘it is what it is.’

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The flow of thoughts only seems speedy and confusing when you want to be independent of it.

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There is nothing spontaneous about the basic self – like a violinist is in sync with the notes of the classical composition played, the basic self is in sync with the brain’s script. Neither the violinist nor the self has room for improvisation or regret because everything is already set.

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Should you wonder if you are in sync with the brain’s libretto, you are out of sync because you have no doubts when in sync.


NOTE: This article is part of hack #4.1 The basic self versus the special one.