Control is the fear of being wrong

Updated June 12, 2023

Control is the fear of not being good enough to be accepted as someone in a world of something. Photo © Alexius Jorgensen.

The wish to change ourselves often started in childhood. We quickly learned that when we changed our appearance per the expectations of our parents, they would see us as more lovable. Thus we started controlling our expressions to manipulate others into giving us more attention so that we could feel more loved. Read more about that here.

Maybe your parents wanted you to quit diapers before you had completed your toilet training. So to look like you were ready, thus getting your parent’s approval as the perfect child, you controlled your urination by tightening the muscles in the loin. But your manipulation of the body messed up its connection with the biological system. Hence the communication between the body and the brain was disrupted.

Therefore, since your body was left on its own, it tried to fix the blockage in the loin by balancing it with a new issue in the shoulder, neck or jaw. Maybe all of them, or at least the jaw, because reinforced in a forward position, you can easily maintain an appearance you imagine others will like, thus escaping feeling wrong. 

But perhaps the body chose to counteract the blockage in the loin with one in the feet so that many years after, something seems wrong there. Or it might have balanced the problem with stiffness in the hands, showing up later as something you assume is caused by a smartphone or a computer.

Although you can diminish the new problems in the body via massage and acupuncture, for example, the relaxation will not last because the hardened loin needs them to balance out its problem. And the new problems need the loin to remain rigid to balance them out. That is how the body deals with its issues when the natural flow of the biological system seems suspended.

Healing the psychological part of a psychosomatic combo takes no time. All psychological feelings are fleeting, so they pass on when looked at where they are conceived in the mental sphere. You deal with the physical part by stepping back. Thus the body can heal with itself without being forced to do it per your wellness expectations. Photo © Alexius Jorgensen.

However, since the brain’s script is as fixed as the earth’s motion around the sun, the physical tensions in the loin mentioned above would have occurred regardless of whether you adjusted to your parents’ expectations to feel loved. But if you had not tried to hide your fear of being alone by projecting it onto the body, the tension in the loin would not have seemed to be a mix of psychological and physical issues but solely physical, thus not a mystery.

Fortunately, untangling a psychological and physical mixup is never too late. All you need is to perceive your reaction to the unrest the psychosomatic disorder seems to entail in the present as ‘it is what it is.’ Since that reveals your response is twofold, there is no specific reaction to ratify a blend of psychological and physical issues. Thus thoughts and feelings are not seen manifested in the body but abstractly in the mental sphere. Saying ‘it is what it is’ is not the same as saying, »I do not care.« That is a singular statement, so it does not undo the unfortunate belief that psychological and physical issues can be combined.

Having a satisfied body is not about how you use it but why. For example, if your reason for getting a massage is physical, your body feels revitalised. But if the reason is psychological, your body feels burdened. In other words, when the body is uninterrupted by your mental view of wellness, it feels safe. But if you inflict it with non-physical ideas of perfection, it fights your intrusion – also, if you pump it up to look better.

In Duality Hack #7 Physical & non-physical issues do not mix, you can read about how to undo the belief in a body-mind connection. Hence returning to a happy relationship with the body, similar to the relationship you have with the clothes you wear, not assuming they wrinkle because of something you feel or think but because that is how they are built.

However, there is a shortcut you can use immediately to undo your mental invasion of the body, namely, apologise for misusing it to manifest mental ideas of wholeness.

Everything always goes your way. If it does not seem so, you are not going your way. That does not mean you are going the wrong way. It is not possible. But it is possible to perceive the way so that it is out of sync with your nature. Photo © Alexius Jorgensen.

The above explanation of cause and effect is not entirely correct. Nothing adds up in a world where there seems to be more than one because there is no more than that which is one since it is formless, thus endless. That is what the explanations in Alexius’ Enlightened Non-Teachings are meant to illustrate. And that is why they only work when used to expose more than one as fantasy.

This explanation is also fictional because nobody makes or has the fantasy of more than One because it requires more than one. So ultimately speaking, it does not matter if you are in sync with the brain’s script, thus feeling connected, or you perceive it to appear more exceptional than designed, thus not in sync and, therefore, feeling disconnected.

However, in the context of a world where there seems to be more than one, everything seems much more manageable when one’s perception is in sync with the brain’s script, thus being a basic self. That requires no effort. But seeking out specific thoughts to create a particular image of yourself is stressful because it makes the thoughts scamper and fight each other. Hence the special self concludes it is best to get rid of some or all thoughts or at least slow them down via meditation or something else that supports the idea of being in control.

But that enhances the problem: the special self perceives itself as the master and the brain as its servant. It is the other way around. Therefore if the special self honours the brain by perceiving its experiences as they are and not as they should be according to the special self, the few thoughts required for having a perception in sync with the brain are unnoticed.

NOTE: The above article is part of Duality Hack #6 Happiness is to be in touch with the brain.