Control is the fear of not being good enough

Updated January 21, 2023

Control is the fear of not being good enough to be affirmed as someone in a world of something. Photo © Alexius Jorgensen.

The wish to change ourselves often started in childhood. We quickly learned that when we changed our appearance per the expectations of our parents, they would consider us more lovable. Thus we started controlling our formation to manipulate others into giving us more attention, hence feeling more loved. Read more about that here.

Maybe your parents forced you to quit diapers before you had completed your toilet training. So to look like you were ready for this change, thus getting your parent’s approval as the perfect child, you controlled your urination by tightening the muscles in the loin. But your focus on manipulating the body messed up the connection with the natural flow of the biological system, so the communication between the body and the brain was disrupted.

Therefore, since your body was left on its own, it tried to fix the blockage in the loin by balancing it with a new issue in the shoulder, neck or jaw. Maybe all of them, or at least the jaw, because reinforced in a forward position, you can easily maintain the appearance you imagine will make others like you, thus escaping feeling wrong. 

But maybe the body chose to counteract the blockage in the loin with one in the feet so that many years after, they feel weird. Or it might have balanced the problem with stiffness in the hands, showing up later as something you assume is caused by a smartphone or a computer.

And though you can diminish the problems in the body via massage and acupuncture, for example, the relaxation will not last because the hardened loin needs the new issues to stay so they can balance it out. The latest problems need the loin to remain rigid to balance them out. That is how the body deals with its issues when the natural flow of the biological system seems suspended. Therefore, if you had not tried to hide feeling wrong by getting your parent’s acceptance, you would not have used your body to please them. Thus your attempt to manipulate the body would not seem to have disrupted the biological system, wherefore you would see a sound body instead an unworthy one.

In other words, as long as you try to change your appearance, you will never know the relaxation the biological system’s natural flow brings.

Everything is always going your way. If it does not seem so, you are not going your way. That does not mean you are going the wrong way. It is not possible. But it is possible to perceive the way that is out of sync with your nature. Photo © Alexius Jorgensen.

Since the brain’s script is as fixed as the earth’s motion around the sun, the physical tensions in the loin mentioned above would have occurred whether or not you tried to adjust to your parents’ expectations to get their love. However, if you had not tried to hide a psychological problem by blending it with the body, the tension in the loin would not have seemed psychosomatic but physical, thus not a mystery. Fortunately, it is never too late to correct your misperception of the past.

The above explanation of cause and effect is not entirely correct. Nothing adds up in a world where there seems to be more than one because there is no more than that which is one since it is formless, thus endless. That is what the explanations in Alexius’ Enlightened Non-Teachings are meant to illustrate. And that is why they only work when used to expose that a world where there seems to be more than one is fantasy.

This explanation is also fictional, and so is the idea that somebody is making and getting it – just like nobody, in particular, is making a dream or having it because there is nothing in it. Therefore, Alexius’ Enlightened Non-Teachings is not a new philosophy with the answers to the world’s problems or why and how we appear as separated beings in a world where there seems to be more than one. There is no answer to that or anything else because there is no more than that which is one, and it takes more than one to explain something.

So ultimately speaking, it does not matter if you are in sync with the brain’s script, thus feeling connected, or you perceive the hand, so you appear more exceptional than scripted, thus not in sync and therefore feeling disconnected.

Nevertheless, in the context of a world where there seems to be more than one, everything seems much more manageable when one’s perception is in sync with the brain’s script. It requires hardly any thought, whereas much effort is needed to make a perception where you appear more important than the basic self the brain has created.

You must seek out specific thoughts to create a particular image of yourself. However, by doing so, they start to scamper around and fight each other, which feels stressful – especially since it affects your interpretation of yourself and the world. Hence the special self concludes that it is best to get rid of some or all thoughts or at least slow them down via meditation or something else that supports the idea of being in control.

But this enhances the problem. The special self perceives itself as the master and the brain as its servant. And it is the other way around. So if the special self honours the brain for producing the experiences of being someone by perceiving them as they are and not as they should be according to the special self, happiness comes all by itself. Actually, so much that the few thoughts required for having a perception in sync with the brain are unnoticed. But it is noticed you do not feel wrong when in sync with the brain.

Healing the psychological part of a psychosomatic combo takes no time. All psychological feelings are fleeting, so they pass on when looked at where they are conceived. You deal with the physical part by stepping back so the body can heal without being forced to do it per your wellness expectations. Photo © Alexius Jorgensen.

When the body is uninterrupted, it feels safe, and you feel good. However, the body may see allergens as dangerous, but since they are unfamiliar, it does not know how to fight them. Hence the immune system goes nuts. And for sure, the body does not know about non-physical matters like spirituality and psychology, so if you inflict it with mental ideas of wellness, it freaks out. Also, if you pump it up to look better. In short, whenever you try to use the body as a means to manifest your ideas of happiness, it fights the intrusion.

Therefore, since trying to manifest your psychological needs through the body results in a stressed body, it is obvious to stop believing you can blend the psychological sphere with physical reality. Having a satisfied body is not about how you use it but why. For example, when your reason for having a massage is physical, your body feels revitalised. But if the reason is psychological, your body feels burdened.

How to undo the belief in a body-mind connection so thoughts are not seen in the body but the mental sphere, you can read about In hack #4.3 The fake mix of physical and non-physical issues. Thus returning to a happy relationship with the body, similar to the relationship you have with the clothes you wear, not assuming they wrinkle because of something you feel or think but because that is the way they are.

However, there is a shortcut you can use immediately to undo your mental invasion of the body, namely, apologise for misusing it to manifest your mental ideas of wholeness.

NOTE: The above article is part of hack #4.2 The brain’s script and how to perceive it to feel happy.