4.2 Control is the fear of not being good enough

Updated September 26, 2022

The brain makes all the experiences believed to be yours or others and stores the ones you consider to constitute what you and others are. Hence the appearance of you and the world as substantial is the brain and vice versa. Photo © Alexius Jorgensen.

Even though the brain deceives you by making experiences that seem to establish you as someone substantial in a tangible world, it is not your enemy. On the contrary, the brain wants to make you happy. If that is not how you feel, you have most likely disassociated yourself from the brain’s experiences. Instead of perceiving them as they are, you perceive them as they should be per a specific philosophy that you fancy.

But since everything in this perception revolves around you knowing better than the brain, and since you do not know who you are, it is hard work to make it look like you, not the brain, knows the best. Thus you meditate or force your body into strange positions to cut off the brain, assuming that will free you from its perceived tyranny and make you realise who you are.

The brain renders a self in which it installs a consciousness so the self can perceive itself as someone in a tangible world outside itself via the experiences fabricated by the brain. Consequently, the brain is what and where you experience in being.

However, excluding the brain does not result in feeling whole but disconnected. On the other hand, if you include all thoughts, they do not seem to cause loss or abundance but completion because the thoughts from the brain constitute what and where you are made to be.

Trying to change that is like changing the colour of your hair. Though the new tone makes you look different, the original one remains underneath it. Still, more or less everybody believes that changing their look will make them different.

Control is the fear of not being good enough to be affirmed as someone in a world of something. Photo © Alexius Jorgensen.

The wish to change ourselves often starts in early childhood. We realised that if we changed our appearance into something considered more lovable by our parents, we would get their attention, thus feeling loved. Read more about that here. Consequently, most concluded they could manipulate others into liking them by controlling themselves.

Several events can have led to this conclusion. Maybe your parents forced you to use the toilet before you were ready. To please them and be the child they wanted, you controlled your urination by tightening the muscles in the loin. However, the price of getting their ‘love’ was a damaged body. The premature constriction of the muscles blocked the natural flow in the biological system. Thus the communication between the body and the brain was disrupted.

Therefore, since the body was left on its own, it tried to fix the blockage in the loin by balancing it with a new issue in the shoulder, neck or jaw. Maybe all of them, or at least the jaw, because when it is reinforced in a forward position, it is easy to maintain the expression you imagine others want to see, thus living a conceptualised life. 

But the body may have chosen to counteract the blockage in the loin with one in the feet so that many years after, they feel cold. Or it could have balanced the problem with stiffness in the hands, showing up much later as something you assume caused by using a computer.

And though you can diminish the new problems in the body via massage and acupuncture, for example, the relaxation will not last because the hardened loin needs the rigidity in the lower body to be balanced out with other problems.

Hence you will never feel the healing that the natural flow that a biological system adequately hooked up with the brain brings about. Instead, you feel held back by something you cannot find because you try to find it in the body and not in what has caused the blockage, namely the perception of yourself as inferior. In other words, if you do not manipulate others into loving you by controlling your body, the natural flow of the biological system is not disrupted by your meddling. Thus the brain can maintain a sound body.

You try to restrict your only friend, namely the brain, by dividing its duality pairs into separate distinctive elements, for example, good and evil, so you can suppress evil by meditating or projecting it onto others to appear only good, thus beyond the brain’s script of twofoldness. Photo © Alexius Jorgensen.

A straightforward way to correct how you respond to yourself is to perceive it as ‘it is what it is.’ That reveals it is twofold. So if your single-minded response was that you are wrong, you see it is interacting with being right. Therefore, since you are in the duality flow, you are not defined as someone specific, nor are those you felt you had to please. Hence they, as well as you, are seen as good enough.

Eventually, the duality flow will undo the belief in being someone. Thus there is nobody to misinterpret anything. However, this hack is about having a good time as someone while having the belief in being that undone. So we go on with the brain’s script. Read more about the duality flow in hack #4.4 The duality flow goes to non-duality.

Not suppressing something, you are in sync with the brain because it loves you as you are. Photo © Alexius Jorgensen.

Since the brain’s script is as fixed as the earth’s motion around the sun, the same physical tensions in the loin would have occurred, whether or not you tried to adjust to your parents’ expectations to get their love. However, the pressure would not have turned into a psychosomatic problem if you had perceived yourself as good enough, thus not suppressing something in yourself by projecting it on a weak part of the body. Consequently, the tension in the loin would have been straightforward to deal with as a physical problem. Fortunately, it is never too late to correct your misperception of the past.

The above explanation of cause and effect is not entirely correct. Nothing adds up in a world where there seems to be more than one because there is no more than that which is one since it is formless, thus endless. That is what the explanations in Alexius’ Enlightened Non-Teachings are meant to illustrate. Hence they only work when used to expose a world where there seems to be more than one is fantasy.

This explanation is also fictional, and so is the idea that somebody is making or getting it – just like nobody, in particular, is making a dream or having it because there is nothing in it. Consequently, Alexius’ Enlightened Non-Teachings is not a new philosophy with the answers to the world’s problems or why and how we appear to be there as separated beings. There is no answer to that or anything else because there is no more than that which is one, and it takes more than one to explain something.

Therefore, ultimately speaking, it does not matter if you are in sync with the brain’s script, thus happy, or perceive the script in a way, so you appear more exceptional than scripted, thus looking for happiness you never find because it comes from being in sync with the brain’s script.

Everything is always going your way. If it does not seem so, you are not going your way. That does not mean you are going the wrong way. It is not possible. But it is possible to perceive the way that is out of sync with your nature. Photo © Alexius Jorgensen.

That is why, in the context of the world where we appear to be, everything seems much more manageable when one’s perception is in sync with the brain’s script. Hardly any thoughts are needed for that, and as they compile themselves from the pool of thoughts the brain has made for this (read more about that here), there are no stray thoughts to disturb you. In contrast, it requires much effort to make a perception where you appear more special than the basic self the brain has created.

You must seek out specific thoughts to look special, and by doing so, they start to scamper around and fight each other, which feels stressful – especially since it affects your interpretation of yourself and the world. Hence the special self concludes that it is best to get rid of some or all thoughts, or at least slow them down via meditation or something else that supports the idea of being in control.

However, this enhances the problem. The special self perceives itself as the master and the brain its servant. And it is the other way around. So if the special self honours the brain for producing the experiences of being someone by perceiving them as they are and not as they should be, happiness comes all by itself. Actually, so much that the few thoughts required for having a perception in sync with the brain are unnoticed. In short, if we do not edit the perception the brain automatically generates of ourselves, we are in sync, thus rewarded with so much happiness that we feel loved and love everybody as ourselves (read more about that here).

Many try to solve the feeling of not being good enough by finding somebody who admires them. Others may clean the house, go shopping, eat, smoke, have sex, or whatever makes them forget they do not feel wanted. However, most try to resolve feeling inferior by making others wrong. But none of those methods works because feeling unwanted comes from how you think the world should respond to you and not how it does that.

The root of this misperception can be found by walking down memory lane. But it probably takes a long time, and you may miss it. Fortunately, the misperception can be corrected immediately by perceiving feeling inferior as ‘it is what it is.’ Since that takes the distinctness out of the feeling, it does not have a specific effect on you. Therefore, the next time you, by reflex, create an attitude to disguise you feel inferior, you laugh because ‘it is what it is.’

Read more about this perception in ‘I know what it is’ vs ‘it is what it is’ vs ‘dunno what it is’

NOTE: The above article is part of hack #4.2 The brain’s script and how to perceive it to feel happy.