The YOU finger and the three ME fingers

Updated March 9, 2022

Please judge me. Point your finger at me, so you can forgive yourself for what you have judged yourself to be by following your three fingers back to yourself.

When you use the YOU finger to point out somebody is wrong, the three ME fingers point back to you, so you can feel what it does to you when you perceive somebody as unacceptable. It could be that, even though you have always done the right thing, sometimes you secretly want to not give a shit. And since you consider that wrong and want to be correct, you disassociate yourself from this desire by condemning somebody else for being incorrect. The graphic is grabbed from the web.

If you want to see, what prevents you from enjoying the moment as it is, just keep on blaming somebody else for your present state of your mind.

When you point the YOU finger towards somebody, three ME fingers point towards yourself to reveal that what you blame others for is your own shit.

Let us say you point the YOU finger at your boss, for example, and either silently or loudly claim he is a ruthless dictator. Yet, at the same time, the three ME fingers point back to you to expose the feeling an authority figure triggers in you. Maybe it is a feeling of being small and worthless that you disassociate yourself from accusing your boss of being a ruthless dictator who takes away your free will.

If you always control yourself to do the right thing for others, you may feel as if they rule you. Hence you judge them to hold you down, although it is your own doing. Photo © Alexius Jorgensen.

This feeling of inferiority may come from your childhood. Perhaps you never were allowed to do your own thing. Instead, you had to adjust to what your parents claimed was best for you. Pleasing your parents by always doing the right thing became a pattern in your life that you later transferred to satisfying your boss and spouse, for example. Although it is you who always control yourself to make others happy, it feels like you are governed by them, as if they take away your space.

This is not to say that you must visit unresolved issues from the past to free yourself. The pattern you once initiated, regardless of the reason, will repeat itself in the present. Thus you can be the inadequacy you have hidden so long under the appearance of perfection. Be aware being that being flawed is not about analysing or embracing your feeling of inferiority. On the contrary, this requires you to observe it, and the distance to it is enhanced. You simply be whatever you feel when you perceive others to have taken your space. And nothing else.

When you are not stuck in a pattern of continually projecting what you are ashamed of in yourself onto others, you are free to be with them as you are. Photo © Alexius Jorgensen.

Since this leaves nothing to define your being, you are not inferior anymore, wherefore you do not perceive others as superior. Hence you are free to do what you want.

This way of blaming others and being what it does to you is the easiest way to undo the conditioning of the past. In other words, you need not spend a lifetime of meditation or therapy to find the problems inside of you. It takes less than a minute to see them outside of you. Just point the YOU finger at somebody and blame them for what you feel. Then follow the three ME fingers to expose the feeling in the one actually having it. Finally, being that feeling and nothing else, you are free.

By pointing the YOU finger at somebody, and follow the three ME fingers, you include what you have excluded from yourself.

The above inclusion of a feeling works like an eraser because what you included is not stored in the memory as something specific, so you will not know what you have just included. Read more about that in hack #3.2 Inclusiveness is freedom. You may notice, though, that you are not so tense and that next time you encounter a scenario that used to upset you, you may laugh and wonder, how come you ever insisted on this being wrong.

The point of reference in the article has been to feel upset. But everything said in this regard also applies to pointing the YOU finger at a person, saying: »You make me happy«. That person triggers the happiness you have forgotten you already have, so if you the three ME fingers back to you, you can include happiness instead of projecting it on somebody else. Thus you can be together without trying to maintain you and the other one in a specific role.

Feel free to point your judging finger at Alexius and follow the three fingers pointing back to you so you feel what your accusation triggers in you. Feeling that and nothing else, there is not something to define it. Thus you have set yourself and Alexius free. Photo © Alexius Jorgensen.

If you get upset about typos or anything else in Alexius’ Duality Hacks, feel free to condemn Alexius, so you can see the judgements you have made upon yourself mirrored right in front of you.

This does not necessarily mean you realise that you also make typos, but that you feel what it does to you when you consider somebody to be imperfect. Maybe you have perfected an image of yourself as someone doing the right thing but secretly dream about not giving a shit. By getting furious at Alexius for doing something wrong, your secret seems to be safe, and the image of you as someone who never does anything wrong is maintained.

This is just an example. Perhaps something else is going on in you that you want to hide by blaming somebody for something. Maybe you are not aware of what it is. Fortunately, you do not need to know what you feel when you blame somebody for something. You just need to be it. The more you are what others seem to make you feel, the less you have to hide from them and yourself. Hence you can enjoy the moment as it is.